67: King Henry VIII
When Henry the Eighth died, he left behind an estate totalling millions. And not entirely what you’d expect. Is it possible for a king to be bougie? Maybe yes.
Welcome to Brain Junk. I’m Trace Kerr, and I’m Amy Barton, and this is a Brain Storm about King Henry VIII.
AB: First of all, I always enjoy having some sort of context for a historical figure. And when I was looking at this subject, it gave stats for how big King Henry VIII was. And so 23 year old King Henry VIII was 6’1″, 32 inch waist, 39 inch chest. So you can imagine with me, 23 year old King Henry VIII: Keanu Reeves roughly.
AB: So he probably was kind of dreamy at that age. In an English king sort of way. By the time of his death. Imagine John Goodman.
TK: Oh, John Goodman. Not In the good times.
AB: Original Roseanne John Goodman.
TK: Oh, okay. So he was a very big cause. There’s paintings of him and he looks like he was probably a very big man. And the the painter was just being polite. Right? That’s, you know, he’s like, no, you totally look like this.
AB: Yes. Yeah. Six months after he died in 1547 a full inventory of all of his possessions was commissioned. So that was thousands and thousands of individual items included all of his properties and anything he owned. And so some of the funky things, MentalFloss put together an article of interesting things that they found like purple velvet bagpipes.
AB: So great.
AB: He was apparently quite a musician, which if you watch the history channel you probably already know he had lots of instruments but that was the most swagalicious.
TK: That’s very flamboyant.
AB: Yes. Yeah. That was from his Elton John Era. I don’t know. He had a codpiece large enough to conceal a weapon. Uh, and that was in the era. But I’m sorry. Let’s face it. There are times when I wish you guys can see us.
TK: There were so many things I wanted to say that I just let go. Okay. So codpiece yes,
AB: large enough to fit a weapon inside. Wow. That would have been <inaudible> we’ll move on to the mace pistol.
TK: Sure. Let’s do that.
AB: I had to Google what a maze pistol would look like. Cause the mace is like half an uncheck chain and the ball with the spikes on it right normally. But a mace pistol looked like from the pics pictures maybe 18 inches long. And mostly what we would imagine a pistol looking like but on the barrel, huge spikes around the barrel. So like if you failed to hit your shot, you could bludgeon them. That was kind of amazing. He was apparently also very into weapons. Basically what I got from this is like we all think when I win my million or my 10 million, I’m gonna put a fire pole in and I’m going to put a slide. And it seems like he lived that life cause he’s all are a very, like he had a huge collections of these things. He had a suit of armor with a 51 inch waist, which is in his end of life phase when he was older.
TK: Wow. That’s like me. When I was pregnant.
AB: He could have had some babies there. He owned dozens of dogs in his lifetime and after his death, more than 60 leashes were found in his wardrobe, which makes him very likable to me. And he had a pet Marma set. It was even painted with him decades later. And the best thing is that he had cat armor. And it’s also the saddest thing because he actually did not have any cat armor. That was what originated this whole thing. I’m like, OH MY Gosh Henry the eighth had cat armor. That is so great. He did not you guys. It was probably some high school project to make a thing. And it’s attributed and I saw it on Facebook and I was so excited for a minute.
TK: But this is what’s important because then it’s about, you know, double checking your sources.
AB: That’s right.
TK:And I’m very disappointed that they didn’t have cat armor. But imagine him with his 60 dogs over his lifetime and I’m imagining him with this giant cod pieces. Purple Bagpipes. His Momma set on his shoulder. Yes. Oh, hoard of dogs and amaze pistol. I bet you his bedroom smelled like corn chips.
TK: All those dogs. Yeah.
AB: Yeah. He even had a polar bear at one point and it was leashed so that it was a long enough leash that it could still go down and drink from the river Thames. It was by the Tower of London. It was housed in the tower. Yeah.
TK: How did he even get a polar bear?
AB: Hard to say.
TK: That sounds terrifying.
AB: Yup. That’s my brainstorm.
TK: Dang. We’re on Facebook and on Instagram as brain junk podcasts, and you can find us on Twitter as at my brain junk. You’re going to definitely have to post on Instagram a couple of pictures of his possessions if you can. The fake cat armor. Oh yeah. Amy and I will catch you next time with more of everything you never knew you wanted to know and I guarantee you will not be bored.
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